One Piece: Zoro Meets the Vinsmokes
by Black' Victor Cachat
Summary: When the Straw Hats reunite on Wano, Zoro meets the rest of the Vinismokes. Things…don't go as expected. Pairings? Read and find out!


I do not own One Piece

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Beta read by the wonderful rose7anne101. You should seriously go read their own work!

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Written during the torturous wait for chapter 870

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Zoro Meets the Vinsmokes

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It was a joyful reunion when the Straw Hats reunited on Wano, on a stretch of coast that the allied army had liberated from Kaidou and his puppet Shogun. It was a small village loyal to Lord Momonosuke and his followers, along with Law and the Heart Pirates, an advance guard of Minks, and most importantly the rest of Luffy's crew.

There was crying and sobbing as Usopp and Franky hugged Sanji, Nami, Choper, and Luffy gleefully showed Robin the copies of the Poneglyphs while praising Brook for stealing it (who promptly asked to see some panties and was beaten for it), Carrot gushing about her adventures while Pedro shook his head in resignation, and other incidents of what Law labeled as 'Straw Hat madness.'

Roronoa Zoro was the last of his crew to arrive however, having sensed that all of his friends had returned (and thus nothing to worry about), but wanted to finish his training (no, he didn't get lost on the way, shut up Nami). As soon as he was done his reps, he set aside the massive pair of boulders he was using as weights (whose intimidating size helped impress upon their samurai allies that yes, it was indeed worthwhile having foreigners around). _Still, best not procrastinate any more_ , he admitted to himself. _The Idiot Chef didn't mean for all that nonsense to happen after all._ So without further delay he made his way over without cleaning himself up. "So Nosebleed, you didn't get yourself killed."

"Shut up! Someone had to watch out for Nami and Robin when you got lost before the next big battle, you stupid Mosshead" Sanji growled back, neither man willing to admit that they had missed the other (No matter how much Luffy might laugh at them and say that they did).

Glancing over the chef's shoulder, Zoro gestured with his chin. "Who're these guys?"

While he recognized several ships from the Straw Hat Grand Fleet, the giant snails of the Germa 66 nation were new.

Vinsmoke Ichiji, Vinsmoke Niji, and Vinsmoke Yonji sauntered ashore with cocky smiles. Ex-King Vinsmoke Judge remained in his quarters, a shell of his former self.

Nami glanced at the swordsman, expecting him to gripe about how they had 'brought back copies of Nosebleed' or how they 'did not need more useless chefs,' but Zoro was weirdly calm and composed as he watched the approaching trio.

It had been literally beaten into Judge that Sanji was the top dog now, and his other sons had been taught from birth that the strongest ruled (even if it was their former weakling brat of brother). Unfortunately for their former ruler, after that mess with Big Mom they had concluded that the best contender for that was Luffy, especially given how vulnerable Judge's machinations had left the Germa 66. Reiju had promptly been named Queen by Sanji, with Chopper undoing her conditioning to obey her 'father.'

Her first act as monarch was to publicly swear fealty to Luffy, with him loudly complaining about 'more' people doing it. This led to the revelation about the Grand Fleet and Nami strangling Luffy about not mentioning something "so important" sooner. His complaint that she "hadn't asked," made her strangle him harder.

Unfortunately, Ichiji, Niji, and Yonji were all born and raised to be bullies, used to being at the top of the pecking order. The only difference between them and their loser of a father was that they did not complain about it when they found themselves lower on the ladder.

"So we're supposed to be working with all these _commoners_ ," Ichiji sneered.

"Might be fun though," Yonji mused as he ogled one of the local women, who stepped back in disgust.

"Don't cause trouble," Zoro warned in a bored tone.

"Or else what?" Niji smirked.

Sanji _thought_ about giving them a warning, but then decided against it. Instead he just pulled out a cigarette and lit it.

"Or else I'll take care of you," Zoro continued levelly. "You're either our allies or work for Luffy now, which means you behave."

"Yeah, we do work for Straw Hat," Ichiji 'helpfully' agreed, "but we didn't say anything about the rest of you." He took a fighting pose, "Unless you want to prove how tough you are."

The illusion of civilization was torn away as Zoro barred his teeth in a hungry grin. "I was _hoping_ for this. Three new Dart-Brows who look just like the main one. It's like it's my birthday!"

He drew his first sword faster than the trio could see, the hilt slamming into Yonji's stomach in the same motion, the sheer force leaving him on the ground gasping.

The flat of the blade slapped against Niji's neck, taking him down too.

Ichiji lasted a few seconds longer, but by then Zoro had drawn his second sword and the redhead fell in a spray of blood.

Disappointed, Zoro glanced at a composed Sanji. "Where they the runts of the litter or something?" the swordsman complained.

Sanji puffed on his cigarette. "Couldn't say, they're no relations of mine."

It was at that point that Vinsmoke Reiju joined them.

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Queen Vinsmoke Reiju had been delayed by the need to make sure her forces were coordinating with the rest of the Grand Fleet. There had also been a wonderful ceremony where the Division Commanders who were present had inducted her as a fellow 'Sister.' Exchanging that cup of sake with them, the acceptance and respect she had felt from them, had been…indescribable.

She was so distracted from thinking about it, that when she dropped from the air onto the beach, she only belatedly took in the sight before her.

A man whom she recognized from the bounty posters as 'Pirate Hunter' Roronoa Zoro, beads of sweat from his earlier exercise playing over his glistening, bare chest and all the muscles there, including his flexing arms. Prominent scars drew attention to his fine torso and sharp face, adding an additional air of danger to the natural predatory aura he carried about him. Swords bloody as he stood over the motionless but still alive dogs she had once called 'brothers.'

It was a major turn-on.

Sanji was just trying to understand a weird, unexplained sensation of déjà vu that crawled across his spine, when a grip of iron on his arm pulled him off balance. Glancing down, he blanched at the sight of massive hearts pulsing in his sister's eyes, as she drew her brother closer. "Sanji," she tightly asked, "aren't you going to introduce us?"

The cook could only squirm as he brain struggled to keep up with this horrific turn of events.

Zoro's remaining eye blinked, but he was not an idiot and recognized this same behaviour from the cook –honestly, how could he _not_? It happened every blasted day!— and smirked as he decided to roll with it. Just to torment the Dart-Brow for making them all worry.

"Roronoa Zoro," he said in greeting, offering his bare arm to her. "How about I give you a tour?"

"I'd love it," she smiled beatifically, as she wrapped her arm around his and leaned closer. "And my name is Reiju."

"Pleased to meet you."

To save itself, Sanji's mind shut down and sent him unconscious.

When he woke up, he went running to 'save' his sister, unaware that in the meantime Luffy and the village children had been doodling on his face.

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A few months later

"It's good to see you," Queen Reiju Vinsmoke smiled at her 'date.'

"Same to you," Zoro said in greeting, while their nervous waiter briskly served them, wanting to spend as little time as possible with these legendary monsters. It was a posh restaurant and there were other people around, but their concerns were placated by how the apparent couple were just out for a fine night on the town.

Despite her obvious physical attraction to the man, Reiju had reluctantly accepted that the two of them did not really have enough in common to start a meaningful relationship. Oh sure, they were both utterly committed to protecting their real family, and were perfectly sexy examples of either gender, but after that they had vastly different interests. They were also both very busy, as she had a kingdom to run while also serving as one of Monkey D. Luffy's (unwanted) armies, while Zoro's schedule was full with training, sleeping, drinking, and being always available to rip a bloody swath through whoever his Captain ticked off _this_ week.

Yet whenever they found the chance, they would take the time to tease (or torment, depending on who you are asking) Sanji. It was one hobby where they found common ground.

He had tailed them a few times until Nami had stomped in and dragged the chef off by the ear, saying that Reiju deserved her privacy. Zoro had been disappointed because that meant he could no longer make his crewmate squeal and squirm from wherever he was 'hiding,' while Reiju regretted how she and her 'boyfriend' no longer fed each other food.

"So how's my darling little brother doing," Reiju asked as he cut herself some more steak.

Zoro gave a nasty smirk. "Rocking himself in a corner while arguing with himself about whether or not you should be free to hang out with whoever you want. He keeps slipping razors and glass into my next meal if anyone mentions your name. Makes it crunchy."

She giggled, but then gave her pseudo-boyfriend a slightly more serious look. "You know, you really should put more effort into finding someone. A wife and child would probably do you well."

"And then the marines and who knows else would be after them," Zoro growled.

Internally Reiju winced. An old friend of Luffy's, named Makino, had become pregnant with the child of 'Red-Haired' Shanks, and when the marines had caught on, some friends of the Straw Hats had gotten her to safety. A chain of allies that had passed her on to the _Thousand Sunny_ where she and the baby were safe. So far there had been no response from the Emperor himself, but they all knew it was only a matter of time.

Despite her faux pas, Reiju just put on a sickeningly sweet smile and cooed, "But it would be so romantic! A lone swordsman leading his friends and allies to destroy the World Government so that the woman he loves and their child could be safe!"

Irritably he pointed his fork at her. "The way you're going, I'd be sleeping with every woman in the New World." He started ticking off fingers. "That woman in the Heart Pirates, Carrot, Wanda, Jewelry Bonney, Kaidou's psycho niece, Makino before you knew who she was, the ladies in that strip club you dragged me into saying it was a bar—"

"They were nice."

"Not the point. That _giant_ lady, who yes, was nice, but seriously no, Praline who took offense because she was already married, Admiral Ryokugyu while we were fighting her, Rebecca which meant Kyros was trying to kill me (and she had eyes for someone else), those Amazons (thankfully Hancock wasn't there for you to try that on me), that crossdresser, _both_ crossdressers, every waitress or bartender who tries to serve us…"

He would have gone on, but it was too much as the fearsome Queen of the Germa 66 threw back her head and roared with laughter. Alright, maybe she had been a _tad_ pushy lately, but honestly what was _wrong_ with the man that he, the epitome of the 'rakish, bad boy with a secret heart of gold' that every girl fantasized about…was _still_ a virgin?

(Reiju had only recently come to actually meet any 'good boys' in situations that did not involve killing them)

(Her reunion with Sanji and meeting the Straw Hats had reignited her desire for a strong and stable relationship however)

She was trying to stifle her giggles so she could make a retort, when she noticed him tense slightly.

"What is it?" she asked, slipping out her Raid Suit so that she could transform, knowing Zoro's haki had sensed something.

He sighed. "Just finish your meal. We've got the time, and it's not that big a deal."

With some slight hesitation she went back to her food. Wanting to keep the pleasant mood going, she tried another topic. "What about Luffy? Any future wives for our future Pirate King?"

Snorting, Zoro nearly choked on his own steak, stopping to take a quick sip of the sake he had brought with him to clear his throat. "If some tragedy happened and Luffy was the last man left who could make women pregnant, humanity would die out." She giggled at that and they returned to their light conversation.

The disturbance finally happened just as they had finished dessert, when a veritable army of marines burst into the restaurant.

At their lead was the marines' Vice-Admiral Smoker, the 'White Hunter,' who according to popular rumour was on the short-list to become the next admiral. But it was the woman beside him who spoke up. "Roronoa Zoro! Surrender or die!" she cried.

Reiju froze as she heard Zoro's irritated groan, and then she took another look at the newcomer. Large chest like Reiju's (or the rest of the female Straw Hats for the matter), a cute expression with those glasses, and…she was a swordswoman.

Honestly, she was unsure if her initial assumption was accurate or not, but this was too good to pass up. "Zoro!" she snapped with false anger. "Who is this woman!? Have you been cheating on me!? How could you!?" Then she took on the role of a betrayed lover, ignoring how she was now contradicting herself. "You told me I was your only one, but then your ex-girlfriend shows up. She _is_ your ex, right?"

Silence fell.

Zoro had turned away from the enemy to throw his friend an expression that screamed: _what is wrong with you?_

As for the swordswoman, well _her_ face was a bright red. While Reiju was sure it was from rage as the implications drove home, it would be easy for others to assume she was blushing. She was also sputtering too much to get a word out.

Smoker groaned in frustration. He knew that the only romantic interest his protégé had in the Pirate Hunter was tearing out his heart, but he just _knew_ that rumours of this would spread like wildfire.

"'Girlfriend'!?" spat Tashigi. "Are you out of your sick mind, 'Poison Pink' Reiju!? Or is that why you gone easy on me, Roronoa!? I'll _kill_ you!"

"I understand," Reiju sagely nodded, having so much fun with this teasing. "You weren't able to please him enough."

At this point Zoro was sharing a dejected look with Smoker. Both men knew know what was going on, but, like an oncoming ship collision, could only watch and think about the inevitable mess.

"Well me," Reiju winked while giving her lips a sultry lick that had the rag-tag marines behind the swordswoman groaning, "I can keep Zoro going all. Night. Long."

"Let's just fight so we can get this over with," Zoro groaned, drawing his swords. "I need to go drink some bleach after this."

"Same here, once you're all in chains," Smoker agreed as he adjusted his jitte.

"I'll take the hussy, _dear_ ," Reiju brightly chirped as her shape-memory armour tore apart her clothes and covered her in her skin-tight and exposing Raid Suit.

"'Hussy'!?" screeched Tashigi as she charged.

"Don't call me 'dear'," growled Zoro as he rushed to meet Smoker.

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"So Zoro, when's the wedding? Would there be a big cake? Can it be made of meat?" Luffy honestly asked after Robin was done reading aloud the newest newspaper.

"If you leave my sister pregnant at the altar, I _am_ hunting you down!" seethed Sanji. "And what about poor Tashigi!?"

The marine in question was tied to the _Sunny_ 's mast, along with Smoker, while Brook played a pleasant melody trying to cheer them up. (His success was up for debate)

"I'd castrate him first!" Tashigi screamed.

"That's a bad thing," Robin explained before Luffy could ask. She was finding this situation hilarious after all, and discussing this new topic in-depth could take the…enthusiasm out of everyone else, which would kill her fun.

"Ah, okay. As bad as rotten meat?"

She paused in thought. "I honestly don't know what you would find worst," the archaeologist admitted. "Maybe there's a way to test that?" Robin pondered aloud.

"DON'T EVEN JOKE ABOUT THAT!" screamed Chopper, Brook, and Ussop, while Franky was rolling on the ground sobbing.

Nami groaned. "Big Sis, pleeeease stop."

Robin was giggling even harder, while Luffy only blankly stared.

"There, there," Nami sighed as she awkwardly patted Tashigi on the head (who wisely repressed the urge to bit the hand). "Just ignore them, and don't worry about Zoro. It'll all be alright. It'll all be alright…"

Zoro could only groan into his hand, mumbling about 'stupid curly-brows.'

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 **Author Notes:**

 **Original idea was from a friend of mine ages ago, but only now could I figure out how to use it.**

 **Reiju's opinions on female fantasies do not reflect my own.**

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 **Please Review and I will get back to you!**


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